Letting People Down

I guess I am a worrier, but there seems to be so many ways you can hurt people throughout your wedding planning process. Your single friends may feel you're "too busy" for them. People who don't get an invite may be upset, your mom or friends may be hurt you didn't discuss certain details with them ahead of time, or invite them to a wedding related meeting with you, dealing with split families that may not want to have to be at the same event at the same time ? the list goes on...

I have a lot of great people in my life. I am truly blessed to feel very loved a lot of the time. (I've already written about my bridesmaids chomping at the bit for a "task" to do. =) ) I don't want anyone to feel bad on account of my wedding. I mean I realize that may not be entirely possible, but tact and truth must be used at all times. People want to be involved, and help out.

I plan to honor some of the important people by doing readings and toasts of course, but for those who may want to be involved in the actual planning, is there anyway you can think of to get them involved a little (even if they are long distance ?) I plan to invite my stepmother to all pre wedding festivities because I want her there, and leave it up to her if she feels comfortable attending.

How are you including those close to you, how are you avoiding etiquette blunders, or any ones hurt feelings, are you having to deal with any family issues of people not wishing to partake in certain festivities because other people will be there ? How did you deal with that ?

WARNING: SAPPY POST AHEAD !

So today at work toward the end of the day at 3 o clock, I started thinking about going home (as usual hehe), and I just got a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that my kitty and my fiance would be there when I got there, and I would be able to cuddle with them both, and just be myself.
That is probably the best thing about I have experienced since being engaged (having someone to completely be myself with)
In marriage I hope to have that feeling grow. To have us just know that no matter what happens in life, the expectations of work roles, and other responsibilities we may hold to know that someone who knows you, at your best, your geekiest, smartest, most vulnerable, your saddest, we will be there and just BE ourselves openly and with out fear of judgment. I also hope that our home has many happy memories, and that the bad times are faced head on together.
What excites you most about being married ? What is your wish for your future ?

First step is acceptance

Hello, my name is Cara, and I'm a wedding-mag-aholic. ahh...


I FEEL FREER ALREADY !!!!!!

It's true, I can't walk by a magazine rack, with out perusing the latest issue of Modern Bride, Martha Stewart weddings, Instyle Weddings, and other such publications. (I fell victim today on my lunch break,and took a copy of Modern Bride back to my office.) I look at the dresses (even though I have one already) table Decor, invitations, jewelry, fantasize about fabulous honey moon spots , and read the tips and tricks and dos and don't of etiquette and planning, which I've undoubtedly read before in other wording somewhere else.

I know I can get the info online for free, (and I freely surf wedding related sites!) I already know a lot of the things they're writing about (or bought it/have made my decision about it already) So WHY WHY WHY do I feel so drawn to the glossy pages of such publications ?! I mean I have soo many wedding magazines and wedding related brochures from various vendors laying around I could host a bridal fair !

I just like having it all there at once at my finger tips. It is easy to show other people photos and ideas, rather than having to E mail or IM them links that they may or may not look at. Plus (this may just be that the novelty of actually being engaged hasn't worn off yet) its' SOOO MUCH fun to be looking at this stuff like FOR REAL instead of that whimsical, someday, when I get married I'd want a dress like page 57 way you look at wedding mags when you stop into borders or whatever when you 16.

Anyone else find themselves drawn into purchasing way more wedding magazines than necessary ? Do you have any other little wedding related guilty pleasures ?
Excess Jewelery shopping ? Extensive travel to find the "ideal location?" a new found fondness for floral shops ? Spill it !!

Engagement Photos

About two months after our engagement we took our engagement photos. We figured they would be used for our save the dates, and perhaps the thank yous, and perhaps in our guest book somehow.




We wanted to keep this fairly simple, so we contacted one of our friends who is a photographer. I am very happy with the way they turned out, but I'm sad that he said he wouldn't do weddings due to the high expectations, and it is not what he generally shoots.

We wanted to have some shots that showcased San Francisco, as well as the beach since Mr. Caraismatic proposed at Ocean Beach, and it is also where we became an "official" so we wanted some shots on the beach.

The whole experience was quite enjoyable. Although San Francisco fog day makes lighting easier for the photographer the weather was very cooperative and warm that day !
We got to frolic in the ocean, and walk around the palace of fine arts (one of my fav. places in the city)

Engagement photos are one of those things that are completely optional. Did you, or are you going to take engagement photos, what are you going to use them for ? If you are going to do them my suggestions are

• Pick places that are special to you both to take them.
• Leave time to get ready ( I was rushing around last minute)
• Pick outfits that coordinate, but they don't HAVE to match (looking back I'm not too thrilled with my wardrobe)
• If possible pick a photographer who won't stick to a time limit as it could take some time to get comfortable, and that's when the best photos happen (most of my favorites are from the end of the shoot !
  

Bridesmaids duties

I've read the lists of "traditional responsibilities" of Bridesmaids
and I've been a bridesmaid twice, however both were long distance, so the brides knew I wouldn't be able to help a ton, and one of the weddings was a very low key back yard wedding with a 50-60 person guest list, and the bride wasn't too fussy, so there wasn't much to do there either.
I went out with two of my Bridesmaids today, and one of them asked what they could help me with. I really couldn't think of anything for them to help with at the moment.
I honestly don't know what to have them help me with right now.

I know I'll need help the week of with getting stuff where it needs to be, and perhaps doing last minute crafty things. I'm right now though, wiht about 9 months to go I'm still in the midst of trying to solidify what I want the decor and "feel" of everything to be, and I pretty much have all of my vendors selected, so theres no visits to various locations, photographers, DJs etc either. I have such great friends, and I want to include them in this whole experience, and they are ASKING how they can help. My question is. What do you plan (or did) you have your bridesmaids help you out with ? and when ? I do want them to help, but my other problem is too many peoples input confuses me, and there's already an overwhelming amount of options out there to try and choose from.

Thankfulness

I am thankful for so many things.

• having a warm, nice place to sleep
• great friends
• having a great family
• having enough food to eat
• being able to afford some frivolous things I don't really need, but I want.
• having someone in my life to share everything

So last Thanksgiving was my first holiday with the fiance, and we spent it at his uncle's house. It was an adjustment with his family being a lot bigger than mine, and the different foods and traditions. ( I know I missed my grandma's green jello).

I went through many decisions about what to wear, what to bring as a gift ( I decided on flowers and pumpkin shaped truffles.) As nervous as I was I ended up having a good time and ended up in easy conversation with all of his relatives during the evening, and by the end of the night I felt like I had been doing Thanksgiving this way for my whole life.
Was it a big adjustment for you doing holidays with your Fiance ? What traditions did they have that your family doesn't ? Did you miss your traditions, or feel closer having experienced someone else's way of doing things ?

Tradition ?

So with quite a few of my friends getting hitched in the past few years, along with all the wedding research (ok, ok I admit it's becoming an obsession ! ) that I've been doing, I'm discovering some very cool things. Such as why brides wear something old something new something borrowed, something blue (I just learned this two years ago) and why we eat wedding cake.

I thought today about my bridesmaids luncheon and found out about this nifty tradition. These are cake charms, suitable for use at a bridesmaid luncheon and or tea. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of this ! I had never heard of this before, but think it's fabulous, plus it will give me an excuse to bake a cake ! I am a fairly traditional woman, although I'm attempting to put a modern spin on things! Some traditions I'm sticking to for my wedding:

• Something Old something, something new something borrowed, and something blue.
• My dad walking me down the aisle
• Dress
• Reception dances
  

Traditions I'm bucking

• Church ceremony/ballroom reception
• WHITE flowers, white cake, white engraved invites

Things are changing when it comes to wedding "tradition". It doesn't raise many eyebrows to not get married in a church, expenses are being split up more evenly between bride and groom's family (and even the bride and groom) splashes of color can be seen on many a wedding dress, and Groomswomen and Bridesmen are increasingly popular.

In the midst of all the planning, have you discovered any old traditions that you are going to try and incorporate into your festivities, are there some you're leaving out on purpose ? What traditions ARE important to you as a bride ? Why are they important ? Are they cultural, did your parents do them at your wedding ? Which traditions do you think belong back when they started?

The Bling

Seems as though most engagement stories I've heard involve heavy participation on the part of the woman involving the ring. Mine was a complete suprise. He received guidance from one of my friends, and he knew that I liked princess cut. Now I love my ring it is perfect, however, it is EXTREMELY similar to one of my friends. That being the case , the band has taken on extra meaning, because I don't want it to be similar to hers as well.

We went shopping for wedding bands this weekend.We went in thinking we'd just stop and get a general idea of what we wanted. Since we have so long it's not like we NEED to order anything right away. Well found something that works with my engagement ring, and I like.

My Engagement ring has princess stones, so this looks very pretty with it. My only reservation is that I'd *kinda*hoped for something a little more "band-ish" But I'd also like stones, not plain. Everything I've tried that is a little bit more "band-ish" (IE: a little wider) doesn't' look right. So I may keep hunting .. but here it is

Did you help choose your engagement ring ? Would you be extremely upset if your ring ended up being similar to one of your friends ? What did you have in mind when choosing a band, something matching, something traditional ? Will you always wear your engagement ring and band together ?

Preparation

I just read this blog on wedding bee. It is easy to be scared about getting married, no matter how long you've been with your partner, or how well you may know them.

I think that worrying is only natural. Marriage is a big step in life. Marriage is a leap of faith. It is putting extreme trust in another person. It is the biggest promise you'll ever make anyone. It is sometimes hard to keep perspective about the marriage that ensues after the wedding when in the depths of planning the celebration.

I want to make my life with my fiance, because he can always make me smile, he is someone who thinks of other people, he is smart, he is driven, not to mention he has lovely sparkly hazel eyes. =)

All those lovely attributes aside, and even in the haze of being newly engaged and planning the wedding, we are trying not to lose site that we are also getting prepared for a marriage. 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married: by Monica Mendez Leahy. A couple times a week we go through a few chapters, and openly discuss the things the book brings up.

We also registered for marriageprep101 It is a weekend long program, not affiliated with any church. We are attending in February, so I will be sure to post about our experience.

Are you and your fiance doing any premarital counseling ? Are you doing anything to try and "ground yourself" during the experience of wedding planning ?

Sticky Situations

Since I posted the other day about going with my friend to Ikea, it started me thinking about my bridal party. I have already chosen and asked them all.
It was one of the more difficult parts about planning I have encountered so far. (with so long to go, I'm sure there will be more difficult parts ahead though !)

I have many wonderful, fabulous friends in my life, and it was hard to narrow it down to a manageable number. I'm having about a 100 guest wedding, so having 6-8 maids seemed a bit overboard ! Plus since the fiance wasn't sure he could get a plethora of his friends since many of them live out of state ,we decided to keep it to 4 attendants each.
After that decision it was time to narrow things down. I went through the thoughts... well this person asked me to be in their wedding, am I obligated to ask her to be in mine ? Will this person be offended if I ask this person, and not her ? Should the friend I've known longer be the MOH, or the one who went shopping for the ring, and aided Mr. Carismatic with the proposal have that honor? Should I keep waiting for return phone calls from one friend, or chose someone else because it appears she is too busy to be a bridesmaid, if she is too busy to return calls ?

In the end my list of maids includes.
My best friend from High School (Maid of honor)
My lil sis from my college sorority days
My big sis from my sorority
My cousin.

If you'd have asked me two years before I got engaged this list would've had a few different (and most likely more) names on it. Next came the task of how to ask them. I felt I didn't just want to give them a call and ask them. I wanted to try and make it a lil more memorable.
I searched long and hard for creative ideas, cookies, picture frames, Hershey kisses, etc..
In the end I kept it rather simple. I invited them all out to dinner, and toward the end of meal I ordered dessert and champagne and presented them each with a flower and a card asking them to be my bridesmaids. They all said yes, and we had a great evening with some of my nearest and dearest.

Was choosing bridesmaids difficult for you ? How did you ask them ? How did you decide on the number of bridesmaids you would have ? If your fiance or you has fewer friends available would you mind having an uneven number ? Were you at all surprised by the people who ended up in your wedding party ?

YEAH INSPIRATION

Last night I went to Ikea with a friend (one of my bridesmaids) . The thought was that the trip was for her to purchase a picture frame.
Well she did not purchase a frame, but I purchased 45 of the fabulous purple votive holders above.
I'm not sure exactly how they will be used yet. I still have to solidify the idea of the decor in my mind (other than color scheme) but they were a great deal, and perhaps having something besides color to start with will help me choose a direction for the decor.
You should've seen my friend and I digging through the various boxes searching for more purple ones ! There was another lady who came by while we were searching and wanted some purple ones, but I think I grabbed them all !
Is that horrible of me not to spare a couple for her, or is all fair in love and wedding decor ? Have you bought a store out of a particular item for the sake of having enough of it, even though another customer wanted to purchase it as well ?
How did you start your decor planning ? Did you find a piece and go from there, just work with your colors, start with linens ? Are you attempting to replicate something seen in a magazine/online in an exact manner ? What was/is your game plan when it comes to picturing how you wedding will look ?

E-DORKS

I ALWAYS tease my fiance about being a dork/nerd. He is a web designer, subscribes to Tech blogs and magazines, often mentions things like "so, did you hear that Microsoft invested in Facebook"! He even answered every question in the "NERDVANA" category of Jeopardy! correctly last night.

Despite my teasing of his dorkiness, I have a confession.... I too am a nerd. I HEART (notice the capital letters !) the Internet. I do almost everything I can online. Movie tickets, directions, bill payments, wedding research, almost everything I can do online, gets done online. Most of the time it's just easier and faster.

Since we are both so Internet dependent, mr. caraismatic and I talk all the time during the day.
Today, he was quite busy, and I missed the lack of communication with him during my time at work.

I then came across this old wired.com article. It talks about how communication over the internet has changed how we communicate, and relate to each other and our "space"
I've had some friends say "you don't have anything to talk about at the end of the day" because you've already given the highlights over IM during the day. I've also had friends say "that's great you can chat during the day if you want to"

I personally feel it enhances our relationship to have this form of communication as well as face to face communication. It is also something we can do "together" but still have our own "space" if we are both at home on the internet.

I'm curious what other couples experiences are. Are you able to chat with your honey during the day whenever you want ? If you are able to chat do you find it obtrusive, or beneficial ? If you can't chat during the day at all, do you wish you could ? Do you find your time together after working hours more rewarding since you've had some true "time apart" with less communication ? Do you surf together while at home ? Has the internet played a big part in your relationship or wedding planning ?

BUFF BRIDES

Looking beautiful on your wedding day is of the utmost importance to most brides. Even before my engagement I was attempting to focus on being more active, and heading to the gym more often.
Once I got engaged, the urge intensified ! There are lots of places that are there to help brides get in shape for their day a couple I considered were bridalfitness.com, bridalbootcamp.
They both had their benefits, but I decided that since I already belonged to a gym, the best thing for me was the use those resources, and I decided to get a personal trainer.
I met with him last week for an initial analysis and assessment. After he weighed me, measured me, and talked to me about my general eating habits I learned two things:
1) apparently, I don't eat enough calories during the day
2) you can Def. get a Butt-kicking work out in about 15 minutes.

I went over my goals with him (lose about 20 lbs, and tone my back and arms for my dress)
he is also having me keep a food journal for 2 weeks, work out with him 2 times a week, and do cardio workouts two times a week with out him.
I also got a weight loss kit with daily vitamin, meal replacement shakes, and a cookbook and meal plans. The plan is to go shopping this weekend for it.
My fiance will not enjoy all the veggies included in the recipes, but he has told me he will attempt to put his picky eating habits aside to make it easier for me to stick to this program !

Today was my first official session with him, and I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO SORE. Every little nook and cranny of my English muffin is aching !! But I know it will get easier !

Any other brides to be have stories of what they have done to get in shape for their day ?

My First Post

Hello E- world ! I have created this blog as a way to get all of my thoughts and ideas about my upcoming wedding together. It is all a bit overwhelming, so I figure having a place to get everything out in writing (and hopefully have some fabulous people leave comments and ideas !) would help me out. There will be non-wedding related stuff as well (eventually, like maybe in a year?!) but right now I have major WOB (wedding on brain) syndrome. Which means it will most likely be posts concerning things I find about bay area wedding vendors, ettiquette, any do it yourself craft ideas I come across that I intend to use for the big day etc. It will also serve as a great way to document the whole process !
HAPPY READING !!!!